Posted by: Tracy | March 20, 2010

What Peace?

As of lately I don’t see the peace that God has given me.  Every where I turn it’s a battle and everything I do I feel like it is a battle to do.  I feel like none of my children ever listen to me, it’s like I am just an empty voice in the house.  I feel my children love to be disciplined because all they do is disobey me.  I play with them and then when I need to leave for just a second they do something they aren’t suppose to do.  I am tired of being a referee towards my kids at all times.  The constant fighting that is going on is wearing me down.    Every time I clean  a part of a room and go to the next part, I have to go back and redo it because it got messed up again.  I don’t feel accomplished at anything for my hard work to get ruined instantly.

Also I keep looking back on my life and I see the blessing that have come out of it but I don’t understand why everything is always a struggle for us.  I should be happy for people who are getting blessed but I have really hard time especially when I don’t see the struggles like we have.   It seems like they sail through life without hardship (which I know is untrue) and things just handed to them quite easily.  I know that is wrong to feel but I do.  I have had people tell me that the reason I was chosen for this life because God knows I can handle it but I don’t feel like I am handling it very well.

The past few months I have been getting closer to God but at the same time I feel the farthest away from Him.  I feel like that because the attack I am getting and I am so overwhelmed with everything.  I don’t know how to get out of this feeling.  I feel like everything is under attack right now and I can’t beat it.


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